Article 2: Integrity Isn't What You Say — It's the Rhythm You Keep in your Leadership

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“If you want to know me, listen with your eyes and your heart.”

This is what Ellen Notbohm tells us in her seminal guide to understanding how to interact with folks with autism, Ten Things Every Child with Autism Wishes You Knew. It’s also what today’s younger workforce is telling us loud and clear, even if not always in words.

Millennials and Gen Z value transparency, alignment, and emotional safety. Unlike earlier generations who may have voiced concerns directly or suffered and endured quietly what they felt was unclear leadership, these generations vote with their feet. In a time when there are plenty of other places to contribute, they don’t feel the need to stay where they don’t feel valued. They disengage silently. They drift. Or they just plain quit. Not because they don’t care, but because what they hear from leaders isn’t matching up with what they see from leaders.

In her book, Notbohm explains that many children with autism experience immense anxiety when words and behaviors don’t align, when promises are made but not followed through, or when emotional cues are inconsistent.

These insights reveal a leadership superpower: Cadence and Clarity.

As a Gen X leader raising a Gen Z son with autism, I’ve seen firsthand how integrity isn't simply about morality it’s about consistency and rhythm. It’s about showing up consistently in word, tone, and action. This kind of alignment creates integrity and builds the trust that today’s teams, especially Millennial and Gen Z teams, require to stay engaged.

Three Leadership Rhythm Shifts You Can Make Today:

1. Make Clarity the Culture

Drop the jargon. Say what you mean. Define expectations early. These generations don’t respond to vague goals they crave context, purpose, and directness. Have a ‘why’ to make it clear their contribution matters and they know how.

2. Show Don't Tell What You Stand For

If you say psychological safety matters but never follow up after someone speaks up, your rhythm is off. Integrity is action aligned with intention. Most importantly it’s consistently on repeat.

3. Repeat With Kindness

Consistency doesn’t mean being robotic. Robotic ‘ticking the boxes’ will be immediately tagged as disingenuous. In this, consistency means reinforcing the same messages with empathy, human tone, and true personal interest. Younger teams expect feedback, but they also expect it to come without condescension or passive aggression.

Here’s the rhythm I’ve learned from Kirby, my son with autism: If what I say doesn’t match how I behave, he knows immediately. His language may be lacking but his radar for inconsistency is faster and sharper than mine. That sensitivity has made me a better communicator not just with him, but with my teams, my clients, at home, and even when I’m talking to myself!

Notbohm’s wisdom reminds us: behavior is communication. As leaders, so is rhythm. We need to lead with a steady rhythmic cadence when we communicate. Consistency in our tone, our pace, our emotional temperature says more than any motivational speech ever could.

In order to lead more clearly, communicate more effectively, and build trust with younger, more neurodiverse teams, stop telling them what’s important and start showing them, in a consistent steady rhythm, every single day.

Learn more about the Forged by Difference keynote →

Ask yourself: What message are your leadership rhythms sending and are you modeling the ones that your team truly needs to hear?